Thought For A Little Later - Confidence

If you read the last post, you may be thinking that it's all well and good to try new things, but what if I have no confidence?  What if I'm not brave like some people?

Listen up.  Those people you see who seem to radiate confidence? - they probably aren't as confident as you imagine.  They probably have doubts, hesitations and yes, fears, but they have learned, by trial and terror, to go forward through those obstacles.  Sometimes it's a matter of just fake it till you make it. A friend of mine who found herself speaking to groups of people once said to me that she wasn't confident or brave at all, that she was terrified every time and was just pretending to be brave.  I said to her that pretending to be brave when you're scared shitless is actually a pretty good definition of bravery.

I'm reminded of reading some years ago about The Imposter Syndrome.  It's about women who were considered successful, and how despite their achievements and their confident outer appearance, underneath there was always this nagging feeling that at some point they would be found out, that people would discover that the woman was not as smart or talented as everyone thought, that she had somehow managed to fool everyone, and her whole facade would come crashing down.  I remember feeling almost sick to my stomach at reading that because it rang true so viscerally.  On the other hand it was a relief to learn that I was not the only one, that this feeling was indeed rampant.

Sadly I think this syndrome still exists, though perhaps not as all-pervasively as in the era when the book was written, and I no longer think it is confined to women.  It still pops up for me, often unexpectedly - someone will tell me I did really well at something and I just don't believe them, thinking rather that I was simply lucky or that they're just being nice.  I guess recognizing that tendency is a good first step.

But we still move forward, stepping out on the thin ice of uncertainty - fear and doubt our constant companions.  And that's what makes life interesting and it's how we grow, how we can become a little more confident, a little less fearful.  Just try saying yes instead of no next time the world extends an invitation, and those two sidekicks will lose a lot of their power just through that.
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this feeling of fakin' it
I still haven't shaken it
- Simon & Garfunkel
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