Tolerance is Resistance to Love

Some people think it's a good thing to tolerate the parts of life they don't like.  That's dumb.  Tolerance isn't acceptance.  Tolerance is resistance.  To be more specific, tolerance is resistance to love.

Now that's a pretty outrageous statement.  Curious by nature, I read further, hoping to discover how Steve Pavlina backs up such a claim:

When you fill your life with energies you must tolerate, you prevent yourself from attracting what you really want.  The more incompatibilities you tolerate in your life, the fewer compatibilities you'll be able to attract and enjoy.  Keep this up for a few years, and you'll be drowning in a life that feels totally wrong for you.

Okay, that brought a tingle of recognition.  Drowning in a life that feels totally wrong?  Been there, done that.  How about you?
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Steve defines incompatibilities as "people, places, objects, circumstances and activities that just don't mesh with the person you are on the inside."  When our external reality is out of synch with our inner self, our inner self will resist.  This resistance manifests as a feeling of wanting to escape our circumstances - quit our job, move out, end a relationship - but we feel powerless to make the big changes. We come to feel that it's just normal to dread going to work, to feel dissatisfied and disconnected from the people around us.

The first step to freeing ourselves of these negative energies is awareness.  He urges us to look deeply at our lives - our career, health, relationships, spiritual practice, daily habits, finances - and ask ourselves, "Is this really me?  Is this the life I want?"

Steve offers some unusual approaches to help us open the door to a more joyful and satisfying life.  The full article is HERE - I will summarize the sections:

Out with the old, in with the new

If we think we can attract what we want while continuing to tolerate the negative elements in our lives, that's a mistake.  Again, tolerance is resistance, and resistance keeps you stuck.  The resistance you feel acts like a delete key on all your best intentions.

When you remove the incompatibilities from your life, you raise your energy and your consciousness because you're no longer stuck in a state of resistance.  Instead, you feel relief and freedom, opening the door to attracting and experiencing what you truly want.

Stop saying yes

The first step in resolving incompatibilities is to stop saying yes to them.  Just stop.  It makes no sense to keep saying yes to what you don't want. 

Saying no feels uncomfortable at first because we have been conditioned to do what everyone else wants, but it brings a feeling of relief each time you do it.  That twinge of relief is the sign that you're on the right path.  If what you feel instead when you say no is guilt and disappointment, pay attention to that - it may indicate something you really wanted to accept.  In either case, know that your emotional response is your best feedback.

Commit to quitting

Once you've stopped saying yes - stopped putting fresh energy into a career, relationship or activity - you have made the commitment, and when you decide it's time to fully quit, the details will fall into place.

In Steve's words:  "I know I have to say "I quit" to what I don't want before I can summon the energy and consciousness necessary to attract what I do want.  If something isn't right for me, it doesn't matter whether or not I can see a more compatible match standing in the wings, I have to say "I quit" first.  I probably won't be able to see the new, more compatible match until I'm ready to release the old one."

Do you remember Genpo Roshi's dog?

Quit

Here's where the rubber meets the road, but the payoff for taking this leap is an incredible feeling of relief, freedom and a sense of limitless possibilities.

Fear and doubt may arise at this point - understand that this is your resistance wanting you to stay with the safe and familiar, to continue to tolerate.  This duo will bombard you with what if's and all kinds of negative emotions - see these thoughts as a trap, one that will keep you wallowing in negativity for years to come.

Love

The real test is whether you will choose to resonate with courage or fear.  If you choose fear, you aren't ready to have what you want.  If you choose courage, you demonstrate your readiness.   Courage is the ability to choose love rather than fear, regardless of circumstances.  When you're able to choose love no matter what, then you're finally ready to receive what you're asking for.

If you're experiencing what you don't want, then stop choosing to experience it.  Quit.  Leave.  Stop.  Enjoy the sense of relief that comes from releasing what you don't want.  This is much better than dying a slow death on a path you don't even want to pursue.

If you don't want it, let it go.  Say goodbye to the old with love, so you can say hello to the new with love.

We can't grow if we keep repeating the same experiences over and over.

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About the author:
Steve Pavlina is widely recognized as one of the most successful personal development bloggers on the Internet, attracting more than two million monthly readers to his website, StevePavlina.com. He has written more than 1000 articles and recorded many audio programs on a broad range of self-help topics, including productivity, relationships, and spirituality.
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A Brief Guide to World Domination

How to live a remarkable life in a conventional world.

You don't have to live your life the way other people expect you to.

If that statement sparks your interest, this manifesto by Chris Guillebeau will set you on fire.

No matter what you have been told, no matter what happened to you, and no matter what mistakes you've made, you can completely change the way you live every day of your life.  You can focus the majority of your time on the things you enjoy, and you can also make an incredible difference in the lives of other people while you are at it.

In fact they are counting on you to do exactly that.

This is the most exciting piece of writing to come across my virtual desk in a long time.  There are many good sites out there talking about realizing your dreams, but what inspires me about Chris's approach is that it's not enough just to get what we really want for ourselves:  at the same time we need to offer our unique gifts to the world in a way that benefits other people.  He distills this idea down to what he calls "the two most important questions in the universe":

1 - What do you really want to get out of life?
2 - What can you offer the world that no one else can?

Your own goals are crucially important, and you should NEVER listen to anyone who tells you to stop caring about them.  (I'll show you later on what to do about critics and anyone else who says that you can't do something.)

But by themselves money, fame, power and even the pursuit of your own goals will only take you so far.  To go further, you'll have to heed the words of the great Martin Luther King, Jr.:

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of humanity."

Chris goes on to discuss how the conformists of the world have convinced most of us that we can only do one of these things at a time - what's good for ourselves or what's good for other people.  He addresses this argument near the end of Part 2 of the manifesto by referring back to the two most important questions.

Answering the first question is usually easier, because when we finally get serious about it, most of us can quickly figure out what we really want to get out of life.  Some people might know instinctively, while others might need a few hours or even a few weeks to mull it over.

But finding the answer to the second question typically takes much longer.  It can be a long journey riddled with initial failures and false starts.  But people are counting on you to continue, and in fact, it is the most important work each of us can do.

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A bit about Chris Guillebeau (you can read his whole story HERE):

Chris is 30 years old and has never had a "real job".  He and his wife recently returned from Africa where they spent four years as volunteers working to improve access to health care and clean water in the world's poorest places.  Earlier this year, while getting ready to finish his Master's degree, he was asked by friends what he was going to do next.  In his words:

I didn't know how to answer.  I went through the list of "normal" responses to that question: maybe I'll start a new business, enter a PhD program, go back to Africa, etc.

But after thinking about it for a long time, I started telling people, "I'm going to start my own social movement."

His social movement became known as The Art of Non-Conformity, and yes, he does plan to take over the world.  He will also be traveling to every country in the world over the next five years (83 so far).  If you'd like to join in, follow along,  contribute your ideas or sign up for a newsletter, Chris's excellent website is HERE.

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Watch this space for discussion of Part Three of the manifesto - here's a teaser:

Remember that it's far easier to stand back and criticize someone else than it is to put your own beliefs forward.

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how much does it cost? - I'll buy it
the time is all we've lost - I'll try it
he can't even run his own life
I'll be damned if he'll run mine
- Paul Westerberg
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Pay It Forward

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No matter how independent or self-made we think we are, no one accomplishes everything in their life completely on their own.  People helped you all along whether you realized it or not.  Someone helped you to learn to walk, someone taught you to read, someone instilled in you the joy of learning, someone provided advice and encouragement. And if along the way things happened that tripped you up, you can probably remember a lot of people who helped you get back up and become who you are today.

The way you fulfill your obligation to all the people who helped you is by actually doing all the great stuff you've always dreamed about, while at the same time helping others go even further toward making their dreams reality.

There you have it - the short version of how to be happy.
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The Only Two Questions That Matter

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1.  What do you really want to get out of life?
2.  What can you offer the world that no one else can?
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The Universe Is Interested in You

The universe is more interested in you than you are in it. Why?

Because the universe is trying to evolve, at the level of consciousness, and consciousness can only develop through you. Human beings are the vehicles through which consciousness can take the next step. From this perspective, we are merely pawns in a much larger process.

Spiritual awakening is not about you or me—it’s about the evolution of the process itself. Individuals who have been culturally conditioned to see the world through a very small and personal lens find that very hard to appreciate. But as you begin to awaken, you will start to see your own experience from the perspective of evolution itself.

And you will begin to understand that when you become deeply interested in the evolution of consciousness and culture, the universe becomes interested in you! A potential partner in the evolutionary process appears, in the form of you.

- Andrew Cohen

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for the holy one dreams of a letter
dreams of a letter's death
oh bless thee, continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
- Leonard Cohen
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The Eagle's Gift

The Eagle, although it is not moved by the circumstances of any living thing, has granted a gift to each of those beings.  In its own way and right, any one of them, if it so desires, has the power to keep the flame of awareness, the power to disobey the summons to die and be consumed.

Every living thing has been granted the power, if it so desires, to seek an opening to freedom and to go through it.  It is evident to the seer who sees the opening, and to the creatures that go through it, that the Eagle has granted that gift in order to perpetuate awareness.

I am already given to the power that rules my fate.
And I cling to nothing, so I will have nothing to defend.
I have no thoughts, so I will see.
I fear nothing, so I will remember myself.
Detached and at ease,
I will dart past the Eagle to be free.

- Carlos Castaneda
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Speak With Conviction

Here's a short clip from slam poet Taylor Mali where he pokes at what he calls "...the most aggressively inarticulate generation to come along since, you know, a long time ago."



Dude's, like,  got a point, you know?
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Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it HOT.
- D.H. Lawrence
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Do You Believe?

A post by Meera Subramanian on the Killing The Buddha blog:

The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico has engineers scrambling, environmentalists screaming through their tears, biologists getting their rubber gloves and cleaning supplies ready, the military finally being put to some good use, BP stockholders selling, fisherman learning how to be oil skimmers instead of shrimpers, and—over at Religion Dispatches, Peter Laarman asking, in Blood for Oil: Our Lethal Lust for Energy, “Do we really even like the way we’re living?”

It’s a Buddha-killing question. His inquiry inspired a few of my own.

What do you believe in? Do you believe that everything comes at a cost? How much are you willing to pay for a pound of shrimp? What about a gallon of gas? Two dollars? Five dollars? Ten dollars? Would you pay a bit more if you knew the goddamn safety valve would work to cap an underwater well in the unlikely event of an accident?

Do you believe in rescue efforts, oil daubed from the wings of birds? Do you believe in science, the ability to sit upon the undulating waves and use remote controls to send robots a mile down with the goal of capping a well releasing thousands of barrels of crude oil per day?

Do you think the rays of the sun can save us? Do you believe that Don Quixote really believed his windmills were anything but windmills? Do you believe that a broken soul can heal? A broken bayou? A broken planet? Do you think the planet is broken? Do you think it matters if humans as a species survive forever? If daughters no longer become mothers? Do you believe in wishes made with a coin toss?

Do you believe in God? Who do you think is in control? Do you think anyone’s in control? Do you agree that we all have blood on our hands? Do you believe gravity is just another law that The Man invented to keep us down?

Do you believe that blood is thicker than water? Oil lighter than love?

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What do you believe?
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Ask Better Questions

Here's an excerpt from the tail end of another blog by Dave Navarro, an excellent companion piece to the previous post.  In this post he details a framework of seven questions to ask yourself when you feel stuck in a mood you don't want. 

The beauty of going through this guided self-inquiry is that it takes the emotion out of our situation and gives us direction to simply act.  Not only that, but the process itself pre-supposes a workable course of action.
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The quality of your life revolves around the quality of the questions you ask yourself on a minute-by-minute basis.

• If you ask yourself, "Why me?" or "What can I possibly do?", you're going to be paralyzed.
  
  
• If you ask yourself, "What can I do next, from where I am, with what I have?", you're going to put yourself in a position of strength.

Ask better questions.  Train yourself to be the sculptor of your own moods, rather than being tossed about by urgency and externalities you can't control.

You can do it.
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Want An Extra 1,000 Hours A Year?

Willing to invest one hour a week?

Think of all the things you could do in the next 12 months if you had an additional 1,000 hours at your disposal.  You can have them - one microaction at a time.

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This piece is from Dave Navarro's Rock Your Day website, and I promise it's not just another blah blah about time management or how to be more productive.
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It's funny how the biggest empires in the world were built without the benefit of Franklin Planners, Palm Pilots or web-based to-do lists - and how people lived balanced, fulfilled lives for centuries without a well-worn copy of Getting Things Done or The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People by their side.

Kind of makes you wonder how they pulled it all together, doesn't it? They simply used the one true tool at their disposal - their mindset.

Navarro talks about how we allow certain habits of thought and action to distract us from what we want to accomplish, explaining how these habits undermine our desire to feel more in control of our time and focus.  He encourages us to become aware of these habitual patterns and offers ways to get ourselves out from under their influence, freeing us to pursue what truly makes us happy and fulfilled.  In a nutshell, he advises:

• stop underestimating the true cost of wasting time
  ...and stop rationalizing how you're "really not wasting any at all"
  
• stop taking weak action
  ...and saying to yourself, "hey, I'm doing my best". 
  
• stop getting off track
  ...and fight tooth and nail to stay true to your priorities.
  

Navarro backs up these big three with rock-solid, practical skills that will leave you feeling more positive and empowered than you thought possible, and that is a wonderful gift to yourself and everyone in your world.

This article is so rich it's difficult to pick out a single take-away message; here's one I liked -

Only when you decide to stop settling for less do you begin changing your life.  It can get messy, but it's worth it.

I encourage you to read the full manifesto, entitled More Time Now - just CLICK HERE.  It's 20 minutes well spent.  If you want to find your life's purpose, remember it, and keep moving towards it rather than away from it, your time will not be wasted.

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still don't know what I was waiting for
and time was running wild...
time may change me, but I can't trace time
- David Bowie
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